Pollie ~ July 28, 1994 ~~ August 7, 2009

Today I said "goodbye" to my little baby. My Pollie that I have loved and that I begged for 15 years ago. In those 15 years, she has danced, barked, snuggled, kissed and smelled like doritos. My baby has been going down hill for a while and last night, as I gave her a bathie, I realized, it is time. She had gotten so thin, so frail. So with a heavy heart, I called the Vet this morning. I made the decision and the appointment. When I went to wake up my little Pollie, I found that she has messed herself. I knew what had to be done but that does not make it any easier. I cleaned her up, wrapped her in her pink blankie and drove to the vet, crying the entire way. They took us in immediately and confirmed that yes, it was time.

As I held her little body and buried my face in her chocolate fur, I cried and told her to find her little doggie friends that have gone before her. Bosco, Nikkie, Jake, Molson. And I told her to find Grammie...My Mom...because I knew if they found each other, all would be ok. As I held her, and felt her tiny heart cease to beat any longer, I felt my own heart breaking. Knowing I would never smell her funny dorito smell. Never hear her nails clicking on the floor, never wake up in the morning to see her little face again.

I will miss my Pollie more than she will ever know. She will never know how much I love her. She will be in my heart forever.

Pollie, I Love You. You were such a good girl.

Mommy

Is there anything CuTeR than a little one that has lost her front teeth?!

I don't think so!!

My little Cassandra has lost her teeth, and she loves talking, a lot, with lots of "S" words, lots!

She says:

"Something silly always happens on sunday"!

Supercalafragalisticexpialidoscious, another favorite!

Just had to post her little face!

I hope everyone has a fantastic night!!

FrIeNdShIp and MeMoRiEs

Have you ever wondered what has happened to the friends you used to play with when you were little? The ones you giggled with. Told stories to. Shared dreams with. And when they moved away, cried with.........
There were just a few girls I played with when I was little. The special few. Not because I was pickie or stuck up, but because I chose to have girl friends that would be good friends. Not people that would give me anything, but give me of themselves. Their heart, their soul. As I would give mine.
Over the years, friends do come and go. But. There are those few that creep into my memory from my heart, and I wonder, where is she? What has she become? Is she happy? Most importantly, would we still be friends?
The answer to that, is, yes.
I got a call from a very special girl friend, from second grade. Yes, second grade. She said she has thought of me over the years. What a gift. To know I have touched someone's heart the way she touched mine, all those years ago. With her pig tails and dimples. I have missed her. Now, our friendship starts fresh, as we remember the little girls we were. And the women we've become.
All these years later, I am a grown woman and I still only have a few girlfriends. Some old, some new. The one's that have touched my heart. As I hope I will touch theirs.
I am thankful for the people I have known and hold in my heart. I take them out once in a while. I cry, I smile, and hope, that if they think of me, they cry, and smile.
Thank you for memories. For friendship. For your heart.

My Fattness!

So this is our little Miley...she is also known as Moomoo, Moolie, Fattie Fat and most popular is Fatness!!
She is our little guinea pig and just a bit spoiled. Fatness is adorable and much loved. Dinner time involves cutting up veggies and making a nice big salad for her. Spinach, apple, carrots, banana, beet greens (her new favorite) and any other veggie we happen to have. As you can see she likes the grapes and broccoli too! If I take too long, she will squeel and squeek until she gets her salad. Too funny. Enough about the piggie!!!
Today, no school, Easter Break. We are going to run errands and then I think we will come home and watch a movie, it is cold today and we are not playing outside.
We might color eggs...........again..........because Cassandra wants to. And we can never have too much color in our life!!
Ok have to run and take a shower before our errands, will never be seen in public without showering first!!! Think I'd get arrested!!!
Have a great day!!

RubieTuesday

Woke up this morning and thought, OH, I am still here.
I have a Dr. appointment today and am a bit nervous.
I have not been to the Dr. in quite a while. But now, I must go. I took my blood pressure
yesterday and it was through the roof. I am normally 110/70 but yesterday it was
168/101
BOOM!!!
So now I am wondering what is going on and how long this is going to take before I feel
back to normal and if it is anything serious. Hopefully not. I will be Praying for it to be
nothing major.

On a more important note. The shootings in Binghamton..... what a horrible thing for those families to be going through. My Alisa goes to Binghamton University and I was in a panic until
I finally got a hold of her. She is fine and safe but the not knowing is nerve wracking! Amazing how one person can wreak so much horror on a whole city.
My Prayer go out to those families and I hope you keep them in your Prayers also.

I will keep posting on my Dr. visit. Wish me luck!

Rain, Rain, Go Away.....

Another rainy day. Right now, Cassandra and I, we are staying warm by the fireplace and waiting for dinner to finish up. We'll stay warm and cozy and maybe finish reading her book, "The Tale of Despereux". We'll see.

Tomorrow is a busy day, I have her parent/teacher conference and am really looking forward to that. They are always good and I don't have any problems so it is not stressful to go.

Stay warm. Stay dry. Stay cozy!

StAyInG CoZy!!!

The other day was a cold, blustery day. Tried to stay warm but it didn't seem to be an easy thing to do.

I decided to make a wonderful ChIcKeN PoT PiE!! I put all of my ingredients together and threw it in the old stoneware pie plate and topped it off with a nice little crust. After brushing it with egg and a bit of milk, popped it in the oven. The smell was sooo yummy and I just love having something in the oven on a cold day and being able to dig in and enjoy a nice 1 dish meal. Those are the best, casseroles, pot pies, crock pot dinners... love them all! Anyway, when it was finished to a beautiful golden brown, I placed it on the old wooden cutting board. I just love the sound of the stoneware being placed on the wood. Something about that sound brings back warm memories and thoughts of a simple time. When we all lived lives that were not rushed and the sound of laughter could be heard all around the neighborhood and noone had a care in the world. Anyway, we enjoyed the fruits of my labor of love and it ended up being a nice toasty evening after all.

Paper

Oh what a mess, I must purge......out with the old and hopefully not substitute with the new.
I look around the house, stuff everywhere, and wonder how do I get rid of it? I love to read, so books, magazines, newspapers are in every corner, covering every flat surface in my home. So I am trying to figure out a way to getitouttahere!!!!!

I wanna be green but oh "it's not easy being green" and I just need to clear it all out.
I will start, I guess, with one room at a time. Oh don't even get me started on my work studio!!! Literally 1 foot of space in there to walk into. That's it, 1 foot.
Ok, better to start now than put it off, then some excuse will come up and it will be another day gone with nothing accomplished!!

Have a beautiful day, enjoy the sunshine and smile at everyone!!

Well, today was another cold, dark day. Cold and ickie~~now I am able to enjoy the pretty snow falling and coating everything is a layer of new white. Reminds me of a cake that is newly frosted. I love the fresh snow, how clean and pure it looks.
We are having a nice little February recess from school too. Cassandra has a book report to do on Rosa Parks and she is looking forward to getting it done. lol
Not much is going on today, just relaxing after shopping for groceries and putting things away.
Tomorrow Cassandra has her first day of Basketball practice. She is excited and a bit scared. I told her to just have fun. :)
I guess that is all for now. I know I did not finish my post from last night but it may be a while before I can complete that story.

MeMoRiEs

My daughter sent me an email with a story of a woman that lost her mother. Well, if you know me, you'll know that I'll have to write my own story. :)

Oh where to begin, do I tell of when I was little? Will anyone care about the memories of a little girl who loved to come home and hear her mother's voice?
Do I begin as a teenager, where the last thing I WANTED to hear was my mother's voice?
Or as a mother myself, FINALLY understanding what she was trying to say and despite all my best efforts, sounding just like my mother?

I guess I'll start at the end, so when I do talk of long ago memories, you'll hopefully have a feeling of who my Mommy was.

Mommy, Ann Marie Strassner, born August 6, 1939, died August 31, 2004.
What a long painful road she traveled. She had Polycystic Kidney Disease and was on dialysis
for 18 years. She was diagnosed with and fought Breast Cancer. She was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer and that was when she decided enough was enough. She said she would continue with the dialysis until she no longer felt like herself. Unfortunately, that was not long at all. Within a week of being diagnosed, she knew it was over. I called my sister Jane, she came out from Arizona. We spent time cooking and cleaning, talking, worrying, talking, smiling on the outside hoping it wasn't as bad as we knew it was while crying on the inside, knowing we were on borrowed time.
Mommy woke up one morning about a week after the diagnoses and she had trouble walking to the bathroom to brush her teeth. I went in to see if she was ok. She looked at me and with the
most calm look, said, " I'm done, I can't do this." I asked if she meant for the day or for how long and she said, "I'm going back to bed, I'm not doing dialysis anymore, let daddy know."
Daddy was outside with Jane and I went out and told him mommy was not going to dialysis. He got upset and said, "I knew this was going to happen, I was just hoping to make it to 50." You see, up to that point, they were married for 47 years and he wanted to make it at least to the 50 year mark. He went inside to talk to mommy, not to change her mind, but to let her know, he and Jane and I, all supported her decision.
The Dr. said that since she was having trouble walking and brushing her teeth that day, the Cancer most likely had spread to her brain. Mommy knew that if she was going to fight this, it would not be on her terms, so she decided to do this HER WAY.
Calls were made, to Journey Home Hospice, to see if she could get in as soon as possible. To friends and family and what friends she turned out to have........
Donna, what a doll, on mommy's last night home before Hospice picked her up, Donna had asked mommy what she would like for her last meal in her house. That night, Donna and her husband Dana showed up at the door with a little card table with a table cloth, a small vase with a rose, and dinner (sausage with peppers and onions) for mommy and daddy to share in their room so mommy would not have to get out of bed. She and Dana brought it all in and set it up and quietly closed the door.
Maria, Cathy and Joan, her girlfriends, climbed into bed with mommy and talked and sang songs and held hands and told her they loved her. They had their own little 3 hour long slumber party.
Dolores, always there to hold her hand and give her support and love.
Many more friends came and went. Too many to name them all. Friends from long ago and new friends from Church.
We all had our time to talk and visit with mommy before she went to Journey Home. I kept busy cooking and cleaning. Keeping things organized to keep my mind from going crazy.
Hospice came and picked her up and as they were putting her into the ambulance, she looked at her little house that she loved so much. Her flowers in her front yard and all her little bunnies in the garden. She said "Oh I'm going to miss them." They closed the doors and off they went.
Journey Home was wonderful. The volunteers and staff treated her and us with such care.
I can't bring myself to talk about the week there quite yet, I have in the past but right now, it feels like a cut that is raw and bleeding. So for another time I think.

Actually, I think I will leave it all for another day. Right now I am going to turn in. I'm tired. Tired of not being able to call her. Tired of her not being here. Tired.
I will be back, I will need to share. Vent, whine, complain, laugh, cry, remember.......